I think my fart just growled at me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I FOUND THE LEGS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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