Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
