community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
