Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
