I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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