U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
