Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
