Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
