WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
