I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
