all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
