I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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