adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
