He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
