will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
