Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
