Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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