you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
