All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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