I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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