just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
