so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
