??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
