Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
