We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
