he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
