haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
