Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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