I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
