I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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