good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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