I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
