He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
