Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
