At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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