All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
