you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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