I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
