Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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