I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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