i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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