remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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