you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
