Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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