toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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