she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
