so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
