Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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