Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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