grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I party with great urgency now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
