You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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