i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
