if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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