just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize