I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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