His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
