Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
