What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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