4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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