"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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