Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
