Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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