I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
