My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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