all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
