i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
